If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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