I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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