god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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