Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
