You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
