So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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