And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize