dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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