his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
