So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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