I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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