i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
