Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
