She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am one with the molecules
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
