He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
