dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
