sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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