Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
