does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I could fuck to npr.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
