Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
