four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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