I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
