Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
