piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
