i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
