Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
