Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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