thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
