I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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