Small penises have feelings too.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
