I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
