Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
