dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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