Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
