After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
