Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
