Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
