just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
