Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
