sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
