Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
