Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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