i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
