oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
