Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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