Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
