You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
