i think my tv is drunk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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