Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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