im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
