all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
