Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
