It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love having hate sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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