i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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