Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
