I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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