First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
