One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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