Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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