go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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