i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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