You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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