How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
