....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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