Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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