Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
