Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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