you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
