Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize