some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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