I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
