if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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