i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
