I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
