So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize